8 posts tagged “work”

There comes certain moments in life where I begin doubting my social survivability for living on this earth:

• My boss tried to high-five me today. He held up his palm and my immediate reaction was to start examining his life-line. After a few seconds staring at his hand and me thinking, what the hell is he doing? He finally said, "High-five!" Then I scrambled to respond. Talk about awkward.

• Went to a baby-shower recently and the invitation stated: "Wishing Well". I didn't bother to read the invitation so I didn't even notice, but on the drive over to the party another friend pointed out the phrase and asked about it. My interpretation was that the planner meant "Wishing You Well". Even got the third person in the car to agree. I guess we all have the excuse of being single. But alas, no, the Wishing Well meant that we were suppose to bring a small anonymous present to place within this well-like apparatus for the mother-to-be. Thank GOD it was anonymous.

• The other day my sister sent me a cheeky email accusing me of forgetting to get her a birthday present this year (her birthday was in September). Had a debate with my co-workers as well as my grandma on who should hold the burden of proof for forgotten presents. I mean, just because she doesn't remember doesn't mean I didn't get her anything! Finally I succumbed to public opinion and sent her an email alleging that I gave her XXX for her birthday present. It turned out I did give XXX to her, but it was last year. I guess it was a very vivid memory.
  

• Downloaded the audio-transcript of the Iraqi Study Report for free from Audible. I got all excited because now instead of reading the PDF I can just listen to it while doing chores or riding the Subway. Co-worker was like, "Wouldn't that put you to sleep right away?" Would it? I was kind of looking forward to hearing the whole thing.
  

Thanks to good friend Lorelei, I have come to realize that being in New York AND academia for too long has really taken a toll on my interpersonal skills. It first became apparent this summer when I hung out with the Berkeley crowd while training at UMich. But com'on, who's not uptight compared to the Berkeley people? Anyways, now that I am working part time in the Real World and dealing with human beings on a daily basis, the abrasiveness of my behavior has become even more apparent. So this is going to be a working progress. I am going to learn how to be a normal, integrated, social being.

For starters:

• I will respect rules at the office. I will not break norms just to test the responses of other people. I will abide by social boundaries and not purposely invoke discipline. (Okay, Lorelei, why can't I be disciplined? I like being disciplined...)
• I will respect authority. I promise to actively demonstrate my admiration for my wonderful boss (whom I totally adore), and to be more gentle with him.
• I will practice my shoujo giggle. I will not throw people in a loop by picking and choosing gendered behaviors. I will not be so nonchalant and will practice being more empathetic.
  
• I will choose my words carefully and not state the obvious when it might accidentally point out the incompetence of other people. I will not treat office dead weights like undergraduates. Instead of nurturing them and risk sounding patronizing, I will join them.
  

It's survival of the fittest out there. But I don't think I'm fit, at all. How did I even make it this far? Apart from a few hours at the office the day before, I've just been trapped in my apartment. It's been four days of hiding. Today will be the fifth. There are only so many sick days you can legitimately claim. Thursday I will have to go out again, this time to the university, put on a pretty face, professional clothes, and convey assurance and presence. I wish I can defy the laws of physics.

The Buddhists say that within every second is an eternity. My God, am I missing something here? Because I really don't need to live forever.

It's funny at work because my office-mate now tip-toes a bit around me. I cut myself and he accidentally saw the scars. He made a subtle acknowledgement, but has been a gentleman about it. I know they look scary, but actually they are not deep at all. I really wanted to apologize but, go figure, he has a phd in you-know-what and I don't really want to subject myself. Now I don't know what I should do to let him know that it's still okay to tell me all his problems, that I don't mind listening to them. Then again, on the other hand, I have been a lot more productive at the office now that there is peace and quiet.

This is such a wonderful and complex world. I don't want to feel safe only when I am tucked away beneath the duvet or lying in a wooden box six feet under the ground. I've started building a little herb garden. Maybe having some soil within arm's reach will help compensate. To the person who invented down duvets and pillows, I wholeheartedly thank you.

So I finally decided to haul my ass out of academia and get a part-time job in the Real World. Still have yet to break my record of never holding a full time job, let's hope it will never have to come to that. Anyways, so I've been working an office job for a couple of weeks now, and it really has been a fascinating study into the dynamics of the rat race. Below are the most important things I have learned thus far.

Top 10 Advice for Winning the Rat Race

1. The most powerful person in the office is not the Boss. It's the Secretary. Suck up to the Secretary.
2. Keep your lunch hour 5 minutes shorter than the Secretary's lunch hour.
3. Encourage the secretary to take long lunch hours.
4. Know your boss's schedule. Maintain visibility.
   
5. Follow Parkinson's Law. Let work expand to take up all the time that is available.
6. Turn in work on the day before the office meeting, at the end of the day.
7. Only report good news. Spin bad news so they sound like good news.
8. Complement everyone and everything.
9. Don't bookmark your surfing sites on the company web browser. Use del.icio.us.
10. Be a team player, but always appear less competant than the most competant person in the office.

Any other suggestions?

A friend of mine shared a dilemma with me today. According to her, "It is just impossible to look good for a date when you are working 60 hours a week and banking on 4 hours of sleep a night! And why should looks matter? Isn't it true that a confident woman can look beautiful even in a garbage sack?"

Well..... yes and no.

It's true that the date will hopefully expose the true you, your charming personality, your quick wit, and your love of animals. But just like you would not wear Brawny to your first job interview, would you want to look like a bum for your first date? Maybe it's just me, but I think looking presentable is about respect, respect for yourself, and respect for others.

Nevertheless, her dilemma is a valid one. When you are always entrenched in the gutters and fighting strategic warfare during the day time, how are you suppose to look fresh and alluring by night?

Here is my advice to all the superheroines who wish they have Sailor Moon's magic wand so they can transform from Che Guevara to Scarlett Johansson with just a twirl and some star dust. Modern cosmetics has made some technological advancements to your benefit. Like any job, having the right tools is half the battle. The key is to keep your objectives simple:

Kissable Lips: Full, supple, dewy lips with a splash of color that will last throughout the meal, the drinks and maybe some more without having to reapply every half-hour. Add a wisp of the English Rose, for a perfect memorable kiss.

Tool: Try Chanel Rouge Double Intensite. There is a Chinese idiom that describes a lady under duress, 花容失色: a beautiful face that loses its colors. Well, with this lipstick you will always have your composure, come hell or high water. For a whisper of fragrance, apply top coat of Chanel lipstick in Rose Baby.

Doting Eyes: Convey innocence, interest, and even lust using the windows of your soul. Batting those lashes also helps to hide the yawn from a full day's work.

Tool: Kiss Me Mascara: If you ever have one of those days where you are not sure where you will spend the night, this is the mascara to use. Non-drying, semi-waterproof, will not run, will not smudge. Easily removed by warm water.

Fresh Face: Well, this is probably the hardest given 4 hours of sleep. Drinking lots of water is probably your best bet, but nevertheless, the objective is to NOT look like you just dug your way out of the underground tunnels.

Tool: tarte little blot book: This is the only cosmetic product I carry in my purse. Inconspicuous and functional.

Well, like I say, this is half the battle. But given the pragmatic truth that first impression is everything, hopefully it will give you an upperhand.

Here are some awesome comics from PhD, Pile Higher and Deeper, the graduate student comic strip by Jorge Cham:

Wait, just read their graphic usage agreement.. too complicated. (I'm getting my PhD, I specialize in laziness.) So below are the links to the two awesome graphs instead of me putting them up here. (If you search for Jorge Cham or "i am screwed" in my tag pool you can see them in my photo collection. I think I can get away with that one....) I hope you are just a tad bit less lazy than me. So here are the links:

Graduate Student Weekly Output Level Analysis

Overall Motivation Level by Years of Study

I am so screwed...

Ugh, I haven't even technically started working yet and it's already giving me stress. I was in the office this week and a research design question came up which involved a technique that I honestly have not used since sophomore year in college!! I still remember doing the calculation in the 101 class during Summer of my sophomore year, in 100 degree Chicago weather, thinking... When will anyone ever need this? So of course, many, many, many years later, I need to whip this out on top of my head. Ugh, total disaster.

I've decided to step out into the light and work part time in a real job instead of being a TA and torture undergrads this semester. I've always enjoyed observing the sadistic dynamic between profs and students, but alas, all good things must come to an end.

It's kind of sad to end my streak of never having worked a real job in my life. Com'on, the Real World is WAY too over rated! Refraining from assimilation by the petite bourgeoisie has always been a badge of honor for me. Unfortunately, Academia isn't exactly utopia either. When one finally accepts that all evils are evils and are therefore incomparable, suddenly Hell doesn't seem to be that bad of a place afterall.

Even though I don't officially start working for a while, I've been hitting the office quite regularly already. I gave the Secretary quite a scare because she thought she screw up the dates, but after I explained that I was just there on my own recognizance, she now just thinks I'm crazy. *sigh* I guess you can take the girl out of grad school, but you can't take grad school out of the girl.

Good Bye, Neverland. You have been good to me.